I've been thinking a lot lately about the clutter in my life. I've been doing the Beth Moore study "Living Beyond Yourself" and God has been speaking to me. The video this week talked about clearing things out through confession and bringing concerns to God before you can be filled with the Holy Spirit. She also talked about actions and how every action has its root in something internal. For example, I have a big problem with just totally losing it with my kids--yelling and getting so angry. Even bringing it to Jesus and trying my hardest to turn from it isn't working.
So I got to thinking, what is the real root cause of this? What is setting me off? And I came back to the thing that has been plaguing me my whole life--perfectionism. I expect too much from myself, my family, and even my home. I have these perfection expectations that just can't be met, no matter how hard anyone tries. And most of the time, when I lose it with the kids, it's because I'm failing at something I think I should be getting perfect--like my house clean, or being on time for things, etc.
Just something I am definitely working on with God. But now that I have really acknowledged the root of the problem I can get to work on it.
On another note, I am now reading The Wedding Day by Catherine Alliott.
I am so wishing for a date night with my husband but we really haven't found a babysitter. All of the teenagers we know are going to football games, it's frustrating. And Alicia is in Hawaii (lucky her!)
Have been diligently working on the physical clutter in my home today. I've cleaned out Grace's room and have a big garbage bag ready for Goodwill (I can't freecycle this stuff because she doesn't really know what's in there and I dont' want to keep it around any longer than necessary) and another big bag of Logan's stuff. I actually need to get rid of more of his stuff because his birthday is this week, which means more will be arriving. I'm trying to get him to part with some Rescue Hero items because he has thousands and he doesn't really play with them anymore. His is mostly really into Legos and Star Wars right now.
This is long enough, back to cleaning!