Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Feelin' down

I'm a bit depressed. I know why, but that doesn't help make it better. I'm really tired of my life and how little control I feel about everything. The more I try to give it up to God the worse off I feel. That's unusual. Usually, I feel so freed by giving up my worries to Him. Maybe it's a sign I'm not completely giving it all up...I don't know. My mind just terribilizes everything that's going on and I project in the future what might possibly happen--and what might happen I can't come up with an adequate reaction on my part. I know, this makes no sense, but it makes total sense to me! As I am sure it does to God, although most of my talking to Him the past few weeks has been totally unfocused.

I wish Kimber was more excited about starting school. I know she's upset about having to leave her boyfriend, but there's so much more to life than a boyfriend at 19. I know, you couldnt' have convinced me of that when I was 19, but it's totally true! I just want her to get her college degree before deciding to settle for staying around here. And I want her to date more people before deciding this is the love of her life.

We're looking at some property here in town to build a house in about five years. Have been on the phone a ton trying to connect with realtors and sellers and lenders and etc. Lots of work. And lots of decisions. Maybe tonight we'll go up there with hiking boots and long pants so we can really look closely at all three pieces we're considering in order to make a more informed decision.

Currently reading Upgrading by Simon Brooke, but as soon as I finish I'll start on my RT books. Maybe I can actually finish them before we leave for CA, that would make Labor Day weekend be so much less stressful!

So...if you think about it, send up a prayer for me and my down feelings. I am hoping so much that things will improve over the next couple of weeks.

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